Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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