I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
