He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
