just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
