I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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