I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
