Your tits are I can't wait for
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
