respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
why do cheetos always look like penises
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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