When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
