I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
