Im at strip club and am horny
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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