i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
