She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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