she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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