Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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