cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
