yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
