Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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