there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
