so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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