When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
