last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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