I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
