I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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