Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you had me at cake vodka
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
