If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
the raccoons are back...
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