true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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