I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
