now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
