Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
