At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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