I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
