I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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