i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
