Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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