it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize