can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
