they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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