i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
