you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
