I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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