Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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