vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
