i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
