All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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