If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
