were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
