can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
