Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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