How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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