when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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