I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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