I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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