i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
